Ron Dejais, Superfan

Only four teams remain in the NBA playoffs, and, alas, Ron Dejais' SuperSonics are not one of them. Battling valiantly through injuries and perhaps some poor officiating, the Sonics nevertheless succumbed to the heavily favored San Antonio Spurs in the series' sixth game last Thursday. Don't blame Ron, though. As you will see in the following photo essay, he would stop at nothing--not even destroying his own couch with a meat cleaver and a hammer--to will his team to victory.


Manu is to Ron as Hannibal is to Miggs



Game 3: Doubting his "Ronics"? So early in the series? No, just an ice cream headache.



Ron declares his fidelity: "I am handcuffed by my love for the Sonics." He admits to sleeping in his "vintage" Horace Grant jersey...and nothing else. "It feels so smooth against my skin."



"@#^& you, Joey Crawford!" Ron lets a referee, and the couch, know how he feels about a call.



Game 6: "If I'm going down, I'm taking the couch with me..."



...



...



In his post-postseason despair, a besotted Navy Bean eulogized the fallen:

Navy Bean

REFLECTIONS ON A SEASON LOST

The hatchet glinted as I approached
Ron's and White's red door.

Tonight the couch
would meet its match
stick struck
meat cleaver cleft
hammer claw clobbered
gasoline doused.

At least we would have this to show
For a Sonics season ended
too soon.

Ron Dejais, On the Prowl

From the "where are they now?" category: many of you may have been wondering whatever happened to Ron Dejais, the impudent, semi-literate, adolescent 26-year-old who challenged the esteemed Science Man to a "poem-off" in February. Well, wonder no longer, Readers! This is the first of two installments on Ron's struggles since his failed challenge of Science Man.


We caught up to Ron in Telluride, CO, as he was returning from a road trip to Vegas, where he shot a video for Seattle-based rapper Lil' Kriz's song "Vegas", and also joined a bachelor party for his friend, The Ace. (Rumor has it that, after spending $4,000+ at the Hard Rock Cafe, Ron and several other revelers tacked on another 'g' or two with their in-room entertainment).



Ron's stash of cash and other goods had dwindled to trace levels, and his credit cards were nearly maxed out. He was cruising the resort town's bars, hoping to get picked up by "some old rich woman, so I'll have a place to sleep. I've been sleeping in my car and I'm starting to get a little tired, not to mention ripe."


Ron, upon entering Telluride



Weren't you on "Designing Women"? Care for a nightcap?


Unfortunately, Ron was not successful ("I asked a group of women where the hot nightlife was, and they told me to keep walking down the street and I'd find it. They wouldn't make eye contact with me; it was strange. I followed their directions until I saw a sign that said 'Thanks for visiting Telluride!'"), and dossed once more in his rental. To make matters worse, his beloved Seattle SuperSonics fell behind the San Antonio Spurs, one game to zero, in their best of seven, conference semifinal series. Adding injury to insult, the Sonics lost sixth man extraordinare Vladimir Radmanovic for the series to a badly sprained right ankle.

Nevertheless, Ron remained defiant. "I may smell," he explained. "I may be broke. I may not be able to get laid by old, rich women in Telluride. But there is no way," here, his voice dropped into a throaty, crazed whisper, "no way that the Sonics will lose this series."

Stay tuned for the next installment, when we visit Ron in his natural habitat of Seattle's Georgetown, where his spirits rise and fall with the fortunes of his Sonics.

Jeffrey Dispatch: VOLCANA PAPAYA, GUATEMALA

It appears that a dispatch from Central America Bureau Correspondent Jeffrey was previously lost in the ether.



26 April 2005
VOLCÁN PACAYA, Guatemala

A snippet from the Central America Lonely Planet:

"Volcán Pacaya (2552m) attracts the most tourists and the most
bandits. The situation is improving, however, since each group is now
accompanied by a security guard (little comfort when he turns out to
be prepubescent)."

Or, as in my case, when the security guard turns out to be a dog.
Yesterday I ventured to the top of Volcán Pacaya. We started out with
2 armed guards but they only took us to the trail head. The rest of
the way we were accompanied by a dog who knew the volcano better than
any other dog out there. Give this bitch a treat and she might carry
your day pack for you.

I am happy to say that with her expert guidance I made it to the top
without being raped or robbed. I was able to enjoy the spewing lava
with peace of mind. Thanks, little dog.

Welcome Back, Pinto!

Shorly after sending his first and only South America dispatch, our good friend Pinto informed us that he was back on American soil:


You were asking me before if it was weird to be back
in the U.S. And now, here in Miami, I'd say yeah.
What makes it weirder still is that South Beach is so
familiar. Not because I've ever been there, but
because I've played Vice City. It's identical!
It's tripping me out. I'm Tommy Vercetti.



Once more, Pinto, we salute you. It's good to have you home.

Pinto Dispatch: LIMA, PERU

10 May 2006

LIMA, Peru

Lima is forever covered in a haze. At night, you may
mistake it for a mist. In the morning, you may think
it's a coastal fog. But the vista from the Hippodromo
de Monterrico on a cloudless afternoon breaks down all
illusions: It's smog, and it's not going anywhere.

Against this lovely backdrop, with the horses in the
foreground parading before the sixth race, I met
George. He asked me what my "gusto" was, and I told
him the ocho on looks alone. Then he told me very
confidentially, rising on his toes, and even saying it
in English so I'd be sure to understand, "Two." "What
kind of hot tip is this?" I thought. Two was the
favorite. And, by George, he, and everyone else, was
right. The two horse won. After the race, he bumped
into me to gloat. "Mucho dinero?" I asked him. But
he didn't acknowledge this.

Before I left him to go look at the horses in the
seventh race, he impressed upon me that it was going
to be the nine this time. I didn't even need to look.
It was going to be the nine. Nine, nine, nine. I
went to the parade ring anyway, but George stuck with
me. The nine didn't look so great to me though. He
was grey and weak. I didn't know how to break it to
George. So I sneaked off to the betting window
without a word. I gave the teller my preference, the
seis. "No," I heard the voice right beside me, "Nine!
Nine!" George again. Finally I asked him, if he was
so big on the nine, where was his hot ticket? "No
tengo," he responded with a shrug. Gambling by proxy
is not a bad gig if you can find the right sucker.
And the nine ran sixth.

A Blast (of Greatness) from the Past

Greetings, Friends!

Because we have many new readers who have yet to peruse the January archives; because we are nothing if not lazy; because our laziness has led us to a desperate situation, wherein we are attempting to learn the law of our constitution in one week's time; because now is the season of law school exams (upon which law school grades are based), we republish, for your enjoyment, what many consider to be the greatest law-related joke of all time.

(Note to those not familiar with law school: An LLM is an advanced law degree; the term may also be used to apply to one who is working toward that degree. In many cases, LLM students are visiting from other countries.)



What happened to the LLM who got a couple of A's?


















She turned into a LLAMA!!!

It's Spring, and Love Is in the Air

Well, Readers, things have been a little crazy here at blue skies forever! First, Science Man declared his love for Shiri. Then, within two hours of introducing Jeffrey, I had six voicemails on my cell phone. Six! What's even funnier is that they were all from the same person. That person? None other than the dreamy Shiri. Her message? She wanted me to "make it happen" between her and Jeffrey. My response?

"Come aboard--we're expecting you. Love, life's sweetest reward. Let it flow--it floats back to you!"

That goes for you, too, readers. Come aboard!