We Believe the Children Are Our Future, or The Bad News Catholic Schoolgirls

Having been educated, in part, by the Catholic Church, we have taken the liberty of the occasional cheap joke at its expense. It has not been the best of times for The Holy See & co.--and they took yet another hit this year when our friend MeShow was hired as a temporary teacher at one of their all-girls schools. Her class of sixth graders has prayed for a broken air conditioner, and was beaten out by fifth-graders, among others, for the final spots in the school spelling bee.

Today, we got this e-mail from her:

The assignment: Write an original paragraph using the following words:
captivate, attain, splendor, campaign, pedestal. After each word, give the
part of speech in parentheses.

The paragraph, as realized by one of my 6th graders:

Once there was a man who captivated (verb) his audience with his amazing
farts. But, in all their splendor (noun), the farts were smelly. The man,
who's [sic] name was Stinkle, decided he would attain (verb) one of his
farts and put it in a jar for all to see. (And not smell.) So, Stinkle
went on a campaign (noun) to collect money so he could buy the right
equipment to catch his farts. Eventually, he raised enough money and caught
one of his farts. You can still see his fart today, standing on a pedestal (noun)
in the Museum of Natural Fartstory.

End.


Bravo, Girls! Let us Join J.P. in offering you a week at abstinence camp, a lifetime supply of overpopulation, and second-class status in the Body of Christ!