Greetings, Readers!
Game Day is finally upon us! After two weeks of constant media coverage, you may feel like you know all there is to know about
Super Bowl XL and its participants. But we here at Blue Skies Forever have sorted through the hype, puff pieces, and platitudes to give you the real skinny. First, we profile five important members of each team. After that, we present our four keys to the game. Finally, we give our prediction. Enjoy!
FIVE IMPORTANT MEMBERS OF EACH TEAMPittsburgh SteelersJoey Porter
The pain train's comin', bitch!Porter is believed to suffer from a rare form of
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. He was rejected for the role of
Terry Tate, Office Linebacker in his 2001 audition and has refused to break character ever since.
Troy Polamalu
Troy Polamalu is actually a girl, a fact she hides by always showering and changing out of the view of her teammates. But don't let your biases fool you into thinking she can't play--she is still one of the fastest and most feared safeties in the NFL!
Bill Cowher
Unlike his successful coaching career, Cowher's stand-up comedy career (his signature line, generally delivered at the conclusion of a story about his authority over his players, was "because I'm the Man...dible!") failed to get off the ground.
Jerome Bettis
A real throwback.
The Terrible Towel
Though not technically a Steeler team "member," the Terrible Towel is known for its super absorbancy and is thus a favorite of custodians everywhere. "I don't know what we would do without it," says Dave Fleury, booth maintenance supervisor at Seattle's
Lusty Lady.
Seattle SeahawksMack Strong
Seattle's starting fullback is less well-known for his successful film acting career. Among his best are "Some Like it Strong", "The Stronger They Come", "The Strongest Yard", and "All Night Strong".
Jerramy Stevens
While his skills were recently questioned by Joey Porter, Stevens has proven that
he can run and he can hit (and not necessarily in that order).
Marcus Trufant
Shown here giving a visual representation of what the Seahawks defense
gives its opponents in the red zone.
Lofa Tatupu
Loofah Falafel?An oft-repeated hypothesis holds that, given infinite time and typewriters, an infinite group of monkeys
would eventually produce the works of William Shakespeare. We think it more likely that, given infinite cell-phone minutes and young, pretty producers, an infinite group of Bill O'Reillys would at least once utter "Lofa Tatupu" during an
obscene, harassing phone call.
Mike Holmgren
A highly evolved coach, Holmgren has taken the West Coast offense into the 21st Century. Goo goo g'joob.
FOUR KEYS TO THE GAMEThe Florida Key
The Latchkey
The Key of B-Flat Major
The Turkey
OUR PREDICTIONBased on
insider information, we predict:
Seahawks 31
Steelers 14
Enjoy the game!
