Jeffrey Dispatch: ANTIGUA, GUATEMALA

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28 April 2005
SAN PEDRO, Guatemala

It was with much jubilation that the Guatemaltecos
welcomed in the new Pope. Everything came to a screeching halt when the news of his selection made its way to Guatemala. My Spanish classes were stopped and we all gathered around the TV to watch this emotional moment. Given the chaos of the ensuing celebration, I was grateful that the armed guard watching over the Pepsi truck did not start firing into the air.

I interviewed several Guatelmaltecos about the quick selection of el
nuevo Papa. Lorenzo, the director of the Spanish school I attended,
said, "We are all very happy for the quick turnaround. It is good to
move on." Addressing the widespread disappointment in Latin America that the young, up-and-coming Honduran Cardinal was passed over for the much more conservative German, Lorenzo added, "Ratzinger is 78. He will be dead soon."

Several days later, still suffering from a post-succession hangover, I traveled to Antigua, which had been Guatemala’s capital until it was destroyed by an earthquake in 1773. Passing the Iglesia y Convento de Nuestra Senora de La Merced, I heard a voice that was so sweet I thought it might be God himself.

God, it was not. But the passed-over, up-and-coming Honduran Cardinal was doing his best impression. Undeterred by his near miss (rumor has it that God had him fitted for a ring the night before), and backed by the hardest working band in Christendom, he entertained the audience of roughly 40 with some of the Holy Ghost’s greatest hits. He even had the grace to send a shout-out to el nuevo Papa.


This one's for Benny...Band, tune your instruments to "Holy C!"


This is going to be our last song. By the way, if any of you sees Jay-Z, could you let him know that God wants him to stop doing that "J-Hova" thing?