Pinto Dispatch: WELLINGTON, NEW ZEALAND

Hot off the wire at the blue skies forever NEWS headquarters...




17 March 2005
WELLINGTON, New Zealand

Naturally, sex is universal, but what about
pornography? Before I left the U.S., a friend--"Nick,"
for the purposes of this dispatch--asked that I send
him samples of such publications from each country I
visited. Being a good friend, as well as a supporter
of my associates in the press, I assured him that I
would. Although what fills the role of pornography
is different in each country, I've been mostly
successful in fulfilling my promise.

And now I'm in New Zealand, at Eff-Jay's adult store
in Wellington, to be precise. The man at the counter
is white and middle-aged, with a neatly trimmed salt
and pepper beard. Perhaps it is F.J. himself.
Because I'm seeking distinctly New Zealand product, I
ask him for magazines featuring Maoris, New Zealand's
native people. He tells me his entire stock is
imported. I am not surprised. U.S. readers should be
proud to know that we are not only the world's biggest
arms dealers, but the biggest porn dealers as well.
But F.J. believes in customer service and he
continues: "I've heard rumors that there's a video,
maybe a DVD now...of Maoris...er...well, it
features...I'll just say it...ass fucking!...done
with taste and vision...in a Maori way!"

"Sure, I understand," I say--I don't really. He goes
on to tell me that he's going to the "expo...sex-po,
rather" in North Palmerston next weekend and will keep
his eyes open, because he really wants to see that
video. A real connoisseur, F.J. is.